I'm a caretaker for a kid with a bunch of disabilities all building off of each other. He was 14 when I met him, but in terms of mental development, he was around 1-2 years old. The other caretakers told me that he scratched, bit, and pulled hair. He always had and it wasn't going to change.
At one point, he was scratching me, and I asked "Are you trying to tell me you're frustrated?" He let go, looked at me shocked, and then began laughing with joy. I think I was the first person to ever take his outbursts as communication.
It's been just over a year since then, and most of the old caretakers have been replaced (they were all very burnt out) and under the new caretakers, he's slowly learning to speak and sign, he doesn't pull hair or bite anymore (he sometimes still scratches, but he understands now that it's wrong). He's smiling and laughing just about every day, and he's the most loving child I've ever met.
It's not like we did all that much. We just started treating him like a person. And that was all he needed.
Wonderful <3 I'm glad to hear treating this child as a person has transformed his life so much! Imagine living for 14 years being ignored or given negative feedback when you try to communicate. It must be amazing to watch him bloom.! :)
I haven't met anyone with a story as extreme as his, only read books and blogs by people who can't speak, but found ways to communicate. (I love The Reason I Jump by Naoki Higashida and How Do I Talk if My Lips Don't Move? by Tito Mukhopadyay, Emma's Hope Book by Emma Zurcher-Long and her parents (https://emmashopebook.com/), and some writing by non-speaking people on Kind Theory (https://kindtheory.org/fromtheauthors). These young people were thought not to understand much until they could share what they thought. It makes me wonder if sometimes, kids like the boy you care for are, or seem, delayed because they haven't gotten opportunities to learn, and they can't communicate what they *do* understand.
It sounds like he's already picking up speech and sign, which is fantastic! I'm curious if he's also tried any forms of alternative and augmentative communication (AAC)? (If that's something you're curious about, I can point you towards AAC experts).
He hasn't tried those just yet. One of my coworkers is trying to get recorder buttons delivered that could help him. (Like those videos you see of pets using buttons to talk.) We theorize that he can probably understand like 80% of what we're saying, so hopefully learning to use the buttons would be a helpful step! I would love to get a tablet he can practice on for more complex speech, too.
(We are in an area where deliveries are very difficult, which is why that process is taking a while. Haha)
Benjamin, thanks so much for your words. I'm glad my own comforted you. You're older than I am, and have yearned to be seen for even longer. You also seem to be further along on the journey, and finding spirituality and enlightenment I'm still hoping to find. :) And you write so poetically. (Do you write poetry?)
After a life of being misunderstood (confusing even myself), and a short period of loss, I'm finally finding my people and being seen. I'm also finding purpose again. It's hard to express the sheer joy, energy, drive to live I'm finding. I wish for you to experience something similar.
You talk about the importance of choices. I agree. I think that the need, and maybe the ability, to choose is part of being human. That's ironic, because I find it difficult and exhausting to make choices, and I often inconsistently follow my own freely chosen resolutions (thank you, ADHD). I often experience "choosing" as a long, complicated process with many tiny steps, like you see with Raskolnikov in Crime and Punishment. I want to learn the confidence and hope you've found in choosing how to respond to life's setbacks.
I find that contrary to popular belief, logic and emotion are compatible and can support each other (for example, emotion gives me the motivation to learn and think logically, while logic helps me apply my empathy in ways I don't regret). So many smart, logical people, great writers, philosophers, and scientists, have been spiritually minded, even religious....surely logic and spirituality are compatible, too.
Keep passing this message on, sharing your own story and listening to others'. I think a lot of people are afraid of the vulnerability that comes with exposing their souls, or recognizing others. Maybe we can make it safer.
I'm a caretaker for a kid with a bunch of disabilities all building off of each other. He was 14 when I met him, but in terms of mental development, he was around 1-2 years old. The other caretakers told me that he scratched, bit, and pulled hair. He always had and it wasn't going to change.
At one point, he was scratching me, and I asked "Are you trying to tell me you're frustrated?" He let go, looked at me shocked, and then began laughing with joy. I think I was the first person to ever take his outbursts as communication.
It's been just over a year since then, and most of the old caretakers have been replaced (they were all very burnt out) and under the new caretakers, he's slowly learning to speak and sign, he doesn't pull hair or bite anymore (he sometimes still scratches, but he understands now that it's wrong). He's smiling and laughing just about every day, and he's the most loving child I've ever met.
It's not like we did all that much. We just started treating him like a person. And that was all he needed.
Wonderful <3 I'm glad to hear treating this child as a person has transformed his life so much! Imagine living for 14 years being ignored or given negative feedback when you try to communicate. It must be amazing to watch him bloom.! :)
I haven't met anyone with a story as extreme as his, only read books and blogs by people who can't speak, but found ways to communicate. (I love The Reason I Jump by Naoki Higashida and How Do I Talk if My Lips Don't Move? by Tito Mukhopadyay, Emma's Hope Book by Emma Zurcher-Long and her parents (https://emmashopebook.com/), and some writing by non-speaking people on Kind Theory (https://kindtheory.org/fromtheauthors). These young people were thought not to understand much until they could share what they thought. It makes me wonder if sometimes, kids like the boy you care for are, or seem, delayed because they haven't gotten opportunities to learn, and they can't communicate what they *do* understand.
It sounds like he's already picking up speech and sign, which is fantastic! I'm curious if he's also tried any forms of alternative and augmentative communication (AAC)? (If that's something you're curious about, I can point you towards AAC experts).
He hasn't tried those just yet. One of my coworkers is trying to get recorder buttons delivered that could help him. (Like those videos you see of pets using buttons to talk.) We theorize that he can probably understand like 80% of what we're saying, so hopefully learning to use the buttons would be a helpful step! I would love to get a tablet he can practice on for more complex speech, too.
(We are in an area where deliveries are very difficult, which is why that process is taking a while. Haha)
Benjamin, thanks so much for your words. I'm glad my own comforted you. You're older than I am, and have yearned to be seen for even longer. You also seem to be further along on the journey, and finding spirituality and enlightenment I'm still hoping to find. :) And you write so poetically. (Do you write poetry?)
After a life of being misunderstood (confusing even myself), and a short period of loss, I'm finally finding my people and being seen. I'm also finding purpose again. It's hard to express the sheer joy, energy, drive to live I'm finding. I wish for you to experience something similar.
You talk about the importance of choices. I agree. I think that the need, and maybe the ability, to choose is part of being human. That's ironic, because I find it difficult and exhausting to make choices, and I often inconsistently follow my own freely chosen resolutions (thank you, ADHD). I often experience "choosing" as a long, complicated process with many tiny steps, like you see with Raskolnikov in Crime and Punishment. I want to learn the confidence and hope you've found in choosing how to respond to life's setbacks.
I find that contrary to popular belief, logic and emotion are compatible and can support each other (for example, emotion gives me the motivation to learn and think logically, while logic helps me apply my empathy in ways I don't regret). So many smart, logical people, great writers, philosophers, and scientists, have been spiritually minded, even religious....surely logic and spirituality are compatible, too.
Keep passing this message on, sharing your own story and listening to others'. I think a lot of people are afraid of the vulnerability that comes with exposing their souls, or recognizing others. Maybe we can make it safer.